Growing up

It's weird that I am so young, and yet feel so old . . . . . or maybe it's weird that I am old, and yet feel so young . . . .

It seems strange to me to experience life altering events, or have friends experiencing life-altering events. I just keep thinking "We are all too young for this. These things happen to old people, to ADULTS."

I guess I am finally an adult.

My heart breaks for my two friends who have lost babies. I can't imagine what they are going through but reading stories about their lives literally puts me to tears. Twenty-two year olds are not supposed to lose babies. Only adults have to struggle through that trial. These are good people, they aren't supposed to be faced with these trials.

And then I see how they are handling their loses - with strength and dignity, and a growth in love for our Heavenly Father and his plan for us, and I am blown away again and think, no twenty-two year old can think like that.

I have found myself drawn to one of them in particular - I haven't asked her if I can share her name, or her story, or even a link to her blog, so I won't - but I read it all the time. She and I have had so many of the same experiences and we have bonded over them. And it's funny that even though we meant under the most random and strange circumstances (think polygamy date with my future husband :) I truly love her, and pray for her always. She has been such a strength to me, and her grace under the face of her trials, is awe inspiring. There has not been a time since reading her story where when I go to yell at my kids because I am so frustrated with them that I don't stop and think "At least I have them, I need to remember what it would be like to lose them."

Another of my friends was reunited with her husband this week after he was gone for a year serving our country in Iraq - he returned to a baby boy that he had never met. I can't imagine not having your husband be there for the birth of your son, and I can't imagine what it would be like to be unable to be present at the birth of your son either. The pictures of their reunion are amazing and beautiful and you can truly see their joy at finally being together again as a family!

And amidst all this happiness, his father was taken from them in an accident on Wednesday before the father and son got to see each other again.

Once again, I cannot imagine what this would be like.

It scares me. I can't help but sit there and think that it seems like every family is dealing with distress, and it worries me that some tragedy is waiting to happen in ours. Because of that fear, I am slowly finding strength to live better, and be a better person. To judge a little less, smile a little more, and always tell people that I care about them. I guess you truly never know when they will be gone.

It makes me happy to know that we will all be together again. And yet, I still can't help but think that we are all too young to be dealing with these tragedies. I guess it's true, I really am growing up.