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Tuesday, January 3, 2012

The One Where I Bribe the Doctor

Thursday, December 22nd was our final doctor's appointment before the c-section that was scheduled for the 29th. It seemed inevitable that I would indeed make it to my scheduled delivery date . . . . which was a highly depressing thought.
On one hand I felt FOR SURE that my weekend relationship with the porcelin in our bathroom and the day of contractions that followed had to have done something. I thought there was a chance that I would be dilated enough that he would just say "Hey let's do this!" In which I would respond yes please do. This was the approximately .1% of me that still clung to this crazy thing called hope.
The more logical 99.9% of my brain knew that we would go in and nothing would have happened and we would end up having the "nice, calm, scheduled" delivery that Eric had been hoping for.
However this was my new logic to say to my doctor. They will GLADLY do a c-section a week before your due date, like it isn't an issue at all. A week before my due date would land me on Christmas Day exactly. Well no one wants to be in the hospital on Christmas Day doc - especially you I'm sure - so in reality what harm would it do to do a c-section literally 9 days before my due date rather than 7? I really don't see how this can be much of an issue.

So we get to the doctor's, get weighed *HURL*, get checked out by the nurse and then the doc comes in.
"Do you want me to check you for progress?"

This is a question I love.
Really I almost smacked him.
Hey Doc - YOU are the one who said last week that you would absolutely check me, so why are you asking me this question as if I am this crazy psycho pregnant lady who isn't actually dilating at all but wants you to check anyways  . . . . . well I guess I am, but still.
Yes Doc, please check.
*INTERMISSION FOR UNCOMFORTABLE MOMENT*
Doc: Well you're at a 2
Me: Really? Cause there's $200 in my pocket that says if you check again I'll be at that three I need to be.
Doc: Laugh. And then straight faced - you're at a 2.
Curse you doc!!! Curse you!

Really I never expected him to take the bribe, but it would have been secretly nice if he had.
Well doc - any chance you work Christmas Eve or Christmas? Cause it's looking like that's when I'll be in there knowing my extremely unlucky luck.
No he doesn't, Dr. Archibald works Christmas.
What about Christmas Eve?
Dr. Werdel (the doctor who ended up delivering Preslie)
Well, Sir, I'm sure that's when we'll be in, have a great holiday!

And we left it at that.
Previously Dr. West had given us his cell phone number with explicit instructions to call him if I was in labor so he could do the delivery. There was quite the debate between Eric and I on whether or not to use it if we actually ended up in there over Christmas or Christmas Eve. Eric felt like we shouldn't so he could spend time with family. I said we should cause the doctor didn't take the baby out early enough that I could spend time with my family. Essentially - it's all his fault and if I'm gonna be miserable because of his mistake, he HAS to be miserable too! It's only fair.

So we both went to work. And I resigned myself to waiting just another 7 days for this.

SIDENOTE: As much complaining about my doctor as I do - I really do LOVE him. I wouldn't have gone back to him for this baby if I didn't. I know their rules, and why they do things the way they do. I just like blaming all my discomfort on him, it seems appropriate somehow. Some wives take out their anger on their husbands - I just choose to use my doctor instead.

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