The One With All the Squatting

Husband and I had the good 36 weeker appointment on Friday, and guess what?!?! They finally checked everything out.

Doesn't matter anyways, they might as well have skipped it.

Doc puts his hand on my stomach, digs around real low for awhile talking about baby's head (Uh doc, where did you go to med school? Pretty sure that's my full bladder, stop pressing on it or there will be disasterous consequences!!!!) to which he finally said, "I doubt you're doing much, his head is still pretty high [pause for checking] nope your cervix is closed tight."

WHAT?!!?!?

You mean all these ridiculous contractions I have been having are doing nothing?

It would have made me extremely depressed except I had already accepted it (see previous post) and assumed we would go in and he would tell me that. But then again, there was still that small glimmer of hope coming from the idea that with Preslie on Friday "NOTHING" was happening, and then we had her on Saturday. So I guess it's still possible . . . . . except that it's now Monday and nothing has happned still. . . . . so maybe not this week.

So now we are up to weekly appointments. I'm seriously just thinking, why weekly? What's the point? If nothing is happening all these weekly apopintments are doing is making me get out of bed extremely too early, making Eric take time off of work that he has to make up later, and making me wonder why we decided to have another child while I watch the two we have go crazy at the doctor's office. Oh wait, ya that's right, we DIDN'T want another one.

We'll take what we can get here, but God seriously, if you're going to force a pregnancy on me, at least make it short and sweet. Snap! Snap!

Friday, ntohing happening right? Other than some serious nausea - I think it has to do with the David Beckham that uses my stomach as a soccer ball. So what do I do? I turn to my friends. My friend Sireena is due a few days after me except God loves her enough to already have her dilated to a 3! So I'm asking her what I need to do. The answer: cervix softening.

You know how you do that?

Doing the exact same thing that got me into this lovely mess to begin with  . . . . . a LOT!

And squatting. . . . . a LOT!!!

Hmm . . . . one of those sounds more desireable than the other.

So I squatted, most of the weekend.

Kidding.

Kind of.

We won't get into details on the first, other than at 36 weeks pregnant, it requires a lot of diagrams, and schematics, and contortionism - and not the kind your hubby would normally find attractive.

Besides that, Eric was gone with the Scouts from the time he got off work Friday night to the time he got home on Saturday afternoon. Package that idea up and save it for later.

Friday night the kids and I went to the grocery store. I colored and cut my hair cause you gotta look god when you go in to get a baby cut from your stomach, and the kids watched TV until it was time for bed. Then I took my little unisom friend, who helped but me to sleep, but still let me wake up every hour ON THE hour for the entire night. I tried texting Eric who by some miraculous stroke of luck actually had cell service, but to every PG-13 rated text I sent him I got the same text back "It is so EFFING COLD!!!!!" DENIED! - I don't like being shot down, so I'll go to bed.

Saturday the kids and I got up, got the house cleaned up, and got mostly ready before Eric got home.

It's go time right?!!? WRONG! I think he had been sitting inSIDE the fire the whole night, he stunk that bad - and that's not my pregnancy snuffer saying that, that's my adoring wife who loves her hot husband nostrils coming to that conclusion.

Ah oh well - we had family coming over anyways to watch the game.

BSU Game - really boring!! I hate watching Boise State lose (seriously gag me, every time they lose I relive Eric's brother Scott doing his stupid little fist pump hip thrust dance in the middle of Katie's living room - not plesant) but watching them completely STOMP all over the other team is really boring. Especially when they aren't even paying that well, it's really just that New Mexico is that bad. I was truly hoping for an awesome Bowl Game this year so that Boise could get out of their current slump and start proving their stuff against a team that actually knows what side of the football is up . . . . no luck there, the BCS is a joke. Seriously?!?! Pull up teams from 17th and lower to put them in BCS bowl games, but completely ignore number 7 here just so you can fill a few hotels?!?!!? I love Kirk Herbstreet! He's got it down!

LSU - Georgia game, now that was a winner, for the first half at least. And then we watched Wisconsin and Michigan State (I think) it was a day full of football - make men beat their chests and say YAR!

Oh, and did I mention that all day Saturday I was squatting, at every opportunity I could.

Squatting is no new experience for me. I was a power-lifter in high school. Before I screwed up my knee cheerleading I was easily squatting 250 lbs of solid metal plates attached to this really uncomfortable bar. I don't know what it is with being pregnant that makes that so difficult, but we're talking I'm currently 155lbs (Gag! Did I really say that?!) and after a few dips I'm DYINGGGGGGGG. You know that dead calf feeling you wake up with in the middle of the night so you stretch it and then it just gets worse - ya, that feeling, only in my hamstrings. TERRIBLE! But around 9 o'clock that evening it seemed to have worked as I was having MASSIVELY terrible contractions. I didnt' want to sit down, so I paced in our bedroom until Eric yelled at me and I submissively at on the edge of the bed, getting up periodically to do more squats. Let's get this kid's head into position so he can get the truck out! Well, the contractions got bad enough that by about 1230 I was pretty convinced that eventually we would be headed into the hopsital. So I went downstairs and pulled out my Zebra striped overnight bag and brought it up - you know, just in case.

Just in case my a**!!! That bag now sits on my closet floor mocking me for still being empty, and for still being at my house rather than on a cold hospital floor.

Oh Zebra bag - I WILL get the last laugh.

By about one o'clock the contractions were slowing down, so I got in bed, didn't take a Unisom figuring it was too late, woke up at 4, stayed awake until 645, and was woken back up for good about 830. Oh good ole Sunday mornings and my kids inability to sleep in like teenagers.

Next thought - if I get up and actually go to all three hours of church, God will bless me to have this baby. Sacreligious? Maybe? But I sure thought it.

So I went to church, I even participated by offering the prayer in Sunday School, answering questions, and was part of a Christmas program in Relief Society - by all accounts I was being a dutiful person and keeping up my end of the deal.

God however, did not. About 5 o'clock, bring on the massively painful contractions for about two hours, and then they will subside.

And why you may ask? I don't know, apparently God wanted me to finish my final on Racial Tension in my community. Seriously God, don't you know I already have a 100% in that class? If I didn't do the final I would maybe drop to a 85, I'm okay with that if this kid gets out. Remember that, cause if I make it to another final you and I are gonna be having some words.

That night I was so tired from my lack of sleep the night before that I zonked out pretty early. Lame weekend yes. At least I have this Friday to look forward to - when I have another doctor appointment in which he will inevitably tell me that my cervix is closed, but this time will admit to sewing it shut after the last baby . . . . I'm pretty sure that's what he did.

In the mean time this is what I miss:

I miss being able to walk through a crowd of people without leaving a wake of destruction in my path.

I miss the time before I was pregnant when I could punch the random person who decided it was appropriate to rub my belly.

I miss being able to hug someone myself - rather then having them bounce off to outerspace every time I try.

I miss being able to wrap my arms around someone when I hug them.

Make out sessions are no fun when you can't breath . . . . just sayng.

I miss being able to wear green shorts with a green shirt and NOT having my husband tell me I look like the Grinch.

What I am most excited for: I truly HOPE/WANT/NEED to call up Eric at work one of these days and tell him "It's time to go in!"

With Parker I was induced as planned, and Preslie was a surprise on a Saturday, so I didn't get to make the phone call that gets my husband sprinting out of work (amidst cheers of course) and driving like a crazy person to get to the hospital just in time. Something about that sounds fun. I want it to happen  . . . . . TODAY!! (preferably at least).