The One Where We Bless Pax

March 4th, 2012 at 1pm was Paxton's blessing.

True to form in a ward FULL of new families (160 families to be exact) he was not the only one getting blessed that day. . . . in fact there were three others and another little boy the week before!

CRAZY!!!

We were first, which was nice. Get it out of the way while he was still happy.

It was a beatiful blessing that Eric gave him, I almost cried.

I am finding that now that I am a mother I have this tendency to cry more often than I ever did before.

Seriously, I didn't cry when I tore my knee all up.

But Preslie can look at me a particular way and I'm sobbing.

It's ridiculous.

I'm pretty sure there's something wrong with my tear ducts.

Or hormones . . . I hear those things are real sob inducers.

Anyways.

I don't even remember everything that he said, and I was told once that you aren't supposed to try and write them down word for word, that you are just supposed to remember how you felt during it and impressions you got.

I do remember one thing:

Eric said that he had come and a very interesting and necessary (I think those were the words) time in our life.

And that is what really did me over.

Most of the ward probably thought he was referring to Paxton being born on Christmas Eve.

And to a point, I think he was. What an intersting day to be born!!! He will never forget it!

But Paxton joining our family when he did was beyond necessary, it was vital.

When I think about all that was happening when we found out we were pregnant . . . . I don't know, it almost doesn't even feel like the same lifetime.

The week we found out that Preslie had leukemia we went with my parents to the temple for the first time (with them, not ever) since I had my endowments out.

I sobbed.

I remember the lady temple worker kept looking at me and continuously asking if I was okay.

I don't know if she thought I was dying, or if she thought I was mental, or if she is just so used to seeing people bawl that it didn't even really phase her . . . . all I know is that I LOST it.

I don't think I have EVER cried so hard in my life.

Particularly revolving around particular parts of the blessings associated with the session.

Considering all of the blood work and marrow donors that we were dealing with at the time, I was literally bawling my eyes out.

Which made my mom cry.

Which made me cry even more.

I'm pretty sure Eric was looking at me wonering what had happened to his wife, she was now replaced with this blubbering, puffy eyed, snotty nosed, whale.

Aside from the obvious reasons of crying because my daughter had just been diagnosed with leukemia.

I was crying because three days before I had found out that I was pregnant.

Somehow I had gotten pregnant . . . . on multiple forms of birth control to prevent it.

So many thoughts were runnign through my head.

I was so concerned that this was going to be a replacement child.

And what an oxymoron that is  - replacement child . . . . as if ANY child could take the place of another child . . . it' can't happen.

I was afraid and grateful at the same time.

Cord blood, and donors, and blood matches, had been drilled into our brain by several doctors - especially cord blood - which we hadn't kept from either child. And the idea of getting pregnant with the specific intent of using that baby as a donor to save another child's life bothered me.

Not that I'm against the idea. But what does that child grow up thinking?

So many emotions were coming over me.

Eric and I weren't supposed to be able to have any kids.

So you can imagine the surprise when we found out we were pregnant with Parker four months after we got married, and then a few years later finding out we were pregnant again.

Having kids is such an emotional roller coaster anyways, having a baby under the situation we were currently in was bound to be an even bigger roller coaster.

In the end, everyone knows the story.

Somehow, someway, Preslie ended up in remission.

And we were able to fully embrace the idea, and LOVE the idea of adding another little one ino our family.

We even got to welcome our own little peace offering to our family on Christmas Eve.

And what a beautiful little boy he is.

For Paxton's blessing, Eric's parents and grandparents came down from Portland. His sister Katie, although she is sicker than a dog at 24 weeks pregnant came up with her two girls, Karlie and Mollie. My parents, brothers, and both sets of grandparents came. My sister Brittany and her husband Jared and their family were there, and my Aunt Tiffany, Uncle Blair, and cousin Lindsay came. We had TONS of food (WAY TOO MUCH) and had a great time seeing family.

There really is no better way to welcome a little guy into our home, our life, and our eternal family.

We love you little Paxton Dean!

Thank you for being a beacon of hope and a pillar of life to our family!

You are destined for amazing things!!

 This picture is incredible because of the amazing generations in it! FOUR GENERATIONS!!!!

L-R: Grandma and Grandpa Lewis (my dad's parents), my mom and dad, Eric, me and Pax, Parker, Denny and Kellie (Eric's parents), Preslie, Norma and Kuhn (Eric's dad's parents), and Joan and Bruce my mom's parents. This will be an amazing picture to look back for many generations to come!